Tuesday, December 13, 2005
months ago, yq n i had a discussion over whether or not there cld b a possibility dat every1 was given a chance to choose a quality or a characteristic b4 we were born. but with the one u choose, comes along a downside too.
eg if u'd chosen to b v pretty, u'd b a ravishing beauty when u'r alive, but mayb u'd b just a bimbo with air for brains.anw if dat's possible, she said she thinks she chose to b lucky cos she always seems to get past obtacles of sorts. she asked me wad i think i chose. i cldnt answer cos i honestly do not noe. but i think the downside of it is dat i dunno how to b happy.
but we both agreed dat if there's ever a
next life where we cld choose again,
we'd choose to b happy. even if the downside of dat wld b dat i'll b mentally disabled, i think i'll still stick to dat choice. sumtimes i think i envy those who r not v mentally sound or who r not developed mentally. wldnt it b nice to not worry over anything in life, not b saddened by any sort of unhappiness dat exist in dis world? no matter wad happens arnd u, u'd just b
safe in ur own little bubble of happiness n b contented with wadeva comes ur way. u may not b able to accomplish much in life, pple may luk at u with pity in their eyes, but u'd b oblivious to all dat!
*sigh..* i think dat's the kind of life i wan. y do we always hanker for things we do not have? y do we long for things dat r out of our reach? y do we hope for things despite knowing dat they'r impossible?
i just wan to learn to b happy, to have sum1 to love, n for dat person to love me in return. i'v yet to attain the level of happiness i hope for, but for a large period of time in 2005, i think i'v experienced something dat's possibly the closest i'v ever been to dat (idealistic?) level. there's still sum1 i love deeply, but i'v lost the love i had i had once indulged in.
but no worries~ after watching dis talk show on tv some nights ago abt whether or not it's better to love, or b loved in return, i think i learnt some things from it. the best situation wld b for both cases to exist, but if dat's impossible, the general consensus was dat it's better to love sum1 one-sidedly, than to b loved by sum1 u do not love cos dat way, u'll b plagued by the feeling dat u'v kinda let dat person down. altho dat mentality was wad i initially held on very tightly to in the recent past, it's still wad i advocate, but perhaps i no longer stand by it as firmly as i used to. sumtimes it's q nice to b selfish n enjoy being loved even if u dun love dat person in return.
anw one of the speaker really impressed me with her insight to love. she said she'd always made it a point to confess her feeling to ppl she'd lyked in the past bcos
"i do not wan to b in the position where i wld one day regret not telling them." even if they rejected her for wadeva reasons, she nv took it personally cos her philosophy is dat
"i'm rejected not cos i'm not gd. it's just dat the person thinks i'm not right for him." i think she's right, but i doubt most pple r able to deal with rejection the way she is able to. i will try to adopt her philosophy!
another thing i took away from watching the show was dat if u love sum1 who doesnt love u, love dat person in a way such dat dat person is not pressurized. let the person noe dat he/she is not obliged to reciprocate the love, n not harass the person day n night, stalk him/she, or do such things dat wld just put the person off even further. even if u cant b in the ideal situation where u'r both in love,
love the person in a way u'd b proud of!yup.. coming into the relationship, i think i alr knew clearly wad i was luking for. dat's y the loss has made a v deep impact on me, but not necessarily so on him. but it's okay, i think he learnt to noe wad is it dat he really wans now.
don't we all live to learn, n learn to live? bleahs :P even if we lose all forms of contact, even if the day comes where there'd b sum1 new for the both of us,
"wo hai shi hui shou hu zhe ni". (italic part adapted from Full House!)
random thoughts at 11:34:00 PM
